Swiping Alone

Open a dating app and the same screen can mean opposite things. Among recent users, the Pew Research Center found, feeling insecure because of a lack of messages was "far more common among men than women (64% vs. 40%)." Feeling overwhelmed by the number of messages ran the other way: "far more common among women than men (54% vs. 25%)." Silence for many men, a flood for many women. The loneliness numbers split by sex too. One in four. That is roughly the share of young U.S. men who told Gallup they had felt lonely a lot of the previous day. In Gallup's words, "25% of U.S. men aged 15 to 34 said they felt lonely a lot of the previous day, significantly higher than the national average of 18%."

Young women sat right at that average. Gallup put the total for young women at "also 18%." It adds a comparison that reaches past American borders: "No other OECD country has a larger gap in loneliness between young men and the rest of the adult population." The same report found that "46% of young American men say they experience daily worry, compared with 37% of other adults in the U.S."

The picture is not only about young men. Gallup found that among "U.S. women aged 35 to 54: 20% reported feeling lonely, which is higher than the OECD median for that group (14%)."

Some limits first. Gallup's U.S. figures come from "telephone interviews conducted in 2023 and 2024 in the United States with random samples of approximately 1,000 adults, aged 15 and older, per year." Gallup also says it "has measured global experiences of loneliness only since 2023, so it is unclear how its prevalence has changed over time." A separate Gallup report from October 2024 found that "Daily loneliness among U.S. adults has edged up to 20%, its highest level in two years, but remains down from the pandemic high of 25%."

Harvard's Making Caring Common project arrived at a similar figure. Its May 2024 national survey "suggests 21% of adults in the U.S. feel lonely." The report found that "81% of lonely adults reported anxiety or depression, and about 75% of lonely adults reported having little or no meaning or purpose." The researchers are careful about direction. They write that it is "likely that causality goes both ways." They also make a point about what loneliness is: "People can be surrounded by others and still feel deeply lonely. The lack of quality relationships is just as big a problem as the lack of quantity."

Then there is who lives alone. The Census Bureau reports that "Over a quarter (27.6%) of all U.S. occupied households were one-person households in 2020, up from just 7.7% in 1940." The trend is not a straight line. Among working-age adults, "the share of one-person households among people ages 15 to 64 declined from 17.3% to 16.5%" between 2010 and 2020. The one California figure here is local. In Los Angeles County in 2020, "about 16.1% of households there were headed by someone 15-64 living alone and only 8.7% by single householders 65 and older." Nationally, "In 2022, about 132.3 million or 49.3% of Americans age 15 and over were unmarried, according to the Current Population Survey." These figures count households and marital status. They do not measure feelings.

None of these surveys measures whether people who use dating apps are any lonelier than people who don't. A Pew Research Center survey from July 2022 found that "Three-in-ten U.S. adults say they have ever used a dating site or app." Among the young the share is higher: "Some 53% of adults under 30 have ever used a dating site or app." Apps do bring some couples together. One in ten partnered adults met their partner on one, and "The share rises to 20% of partnered adults under 30." Experiences split almost evenly. "Some 53% of online dating users say their experiences have been at least somewhat positive, including 14% who say they have been very positive," while 46% call them somewhat or very negative.

Those opposite problems, too few messages for many men and too many for many women, are not the only ones. Pew also found that about two-thirds (66%) of women under 50 who have tried online dating have experienced at least one of four unwanted behaviors the survey asked about.

The business numbers show a shift in who pays. Match Group reported that full-year 2024 revenue rose on "an 8% Y/Y increase in RPP to $19.12, partially offset by a 5% Y/Y decline in Payers to 14.9 million." Tinder's payers fell 7% to 9.7 million. Hinge's grew, with "a 23% Y/Y increase in Payers to 1.5 million." Fewer people paying, each paying more. Match Group says a planned Tinder double-dating feature is one "we expect to appeal especially to women and Gen Z seeking safer, lower-pressure ways to date." That is the company's expectation, not a result. Pew, for its part, found that "Some 35% of Americans who have ever used a dating site or app have paid to use one at some point."

The national surveys above, from Gallup and Harvard, land near one in five. Some counts run far higher when the question and the group change. The Cigna Group asks on its newsroom page, "Did you know that more than half of American workers classify as lonely?" That counts workers who "classify as lonely," a different group and a different question from Gallup's count of people who felt lonely a lot of the previous day.

What do people think drives loneliness? The Making Caring Common survey asked. Respondents put "technology (73%)" at the top, "followed by families not spending enough time together (66%), people working too much or being too busy or exhausted (62%)."

On what helps, the survey's answer is modest. For leaders, the researchers recommend building connection through "housing and transportation policies" and through public libraries reimagined as community centers with activities and classes. Yet they report that "the solution people endorsed most, including lonely adults, is available to almost all of us": reaching out each day to a friend or family member. Gallup asked about the previous day. This is about the next.

Because loneliness so often appears alongside anxiety or depression, those are questions for a doctor or licensed counselor. If loneliness or low mood is weighing on you, local support is there to reach for. In the U.S., that includes the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: call or text 988.

“People can be surrounded by others and still feel deeply lonely.”

1. Gallup: Younger Men in the U.S. Among the Loneliest in West
2. Making Caring Common: Loneliness in America 2024
3. Pew Research Center: Online Dating in the U.S. (2023)
4. U.S. Census Bureau: Home Alone, one-person households
5. UCLA Center for Health Policy Research: California Health Interview Survey
6. Match Group Q4 and full-year 2024 results
7. The Cigna Group: Loneliness in America 2025